Thus concluded the case of Narimasa and Sayuri.
Naoe took Takaya back to the hotel, then returned to deal with the cleanup on his own. Since there was a body, he contacted the police first and spent half a day being questioned and going through police procedures. Telling the truth was, of course, out of the question, so he constructed a story around having come upon the body by accident. His experience stood him in good stead, and the matter was adeptly resolved.
Narimasa’s host body did turn out to be a john doe after all, and the investigation would not trouble Naoe and Takaya further.
Patrol cars and curious bystanders swarmed the embankment torn apart by Sayuri’s wrath until evening, but not one of them could have realized that the man who had died in front of the lone hackberry tree was the Sassa Narimasa of Sayuri’s tale.
And none of them knew that the story had now at last come to its end.
Only—
The drifting ‘Sayuri Fire’ would never again be seen at the ‘sandy river embankment’.
Naoe returned to the hotel a little after four in the afternoon. Takaya had been there since that morning.
No conversation had taken place between them, afterwards. Takaya, wrapped in stunned silence, had probably been completely incapable of comprehending the meaning of Naoe’s actions. No—even if he had understood, he had probably already blocked them out after half a day spent in a perfectly ordinary hotel.
Afraid? Oh yes, he was afraid of Takaya’s reaction.
He had even entertained the possibility of Takaya checking out of the hotel and going back to Matsumoto
on his own, but when he inquired at the front desk, the concierge confirmed that Takaya was still in his room. With that weight off his mind, he headed up. But...
(However should I face him...?)
Naoe stopped in front of the room, hesitating with a hand lifted to knock.
What did Takaya think of what he had done? Takaya’s petrified reaction flashed across the back of Naoe’s mind. Yes, his actions had been impulsive, completely spur-of-the-moment—but why had his rational mind not stopped him?
Gut-wrenching regret thrashed within his chest.
(Either way, I cannot take it back...)
Steeling himself, he quietly donned his expressionless mask and knocked on the door.
There was no answer. No matter how many times he knocked, the door remained shut. Takaya evidently had no desire to see him. Naoe let his hand drop.
He could sense Takaya standing on the other side of the door.
Takaya was there, just a few feet away, but he could not bring himself to open the door. Perhaps he had as little idea how to face Naoe as Naoe had to face him.
Better that he doesn’t open it, Naoe told himself silently, and made his report across the door.
“Everything has concluded smoothly. Narimasa’s body was taken to the hospital. I believe the investigation will be brief. There will probably be inquires into his identity, but it would be best to let the police take care of the rest.”
Takaya made no reply. The very silence thrust like a blade into his heart. Building a protective wall around himself out of his reason, Naoe delivered the rest of his report in a detached and business-like voice.
“I plan to check out of the hotel and do some reconnaissance around the Noto region...if you have no objections?”
Takaya gave no answer to his question. Taking in the silence expressionlessly, Naoe added, “...I have left traveling expenses for your return trip at the front desk. I apologize for putting you through the trouble of coming out here.”
He heard the knob turning as he was about to take his leave. The door opened.
Naoe’s eyes widened, his heart pounding again. Takaya stood looking up at him.
“...Running away?”
Naoe’s shoulders twitched. He felt as if Takaya had seen right through him.
But it no longer shook him.
“And you?” he asked calmly. “...are you not afraid of keeping a man like me at your side?”
Takaya pinned Naoe with a narrow-eyed stare. Naoe’s perfect impassivity did not waver. Takaya searched its depths, seeking the sincerity within his silence, but before he could find what he sought Naoe abruptly looked down with a sneer.
“It’s futile. The convenient answer you seek does not lie within me.”
“...”
“You are laboring under a misconception.”
“What?”
“You wish to quietly explain away the things I’ve done... And you mistakenly think it is an expression of your sympathy towards me.”
Takaya stopped breathing, his eyes wide. Naoe persisted, smiling with cool defiance, “Do you know...what it is I want to do right now?”
“...”
The pupils of Takaya’s eyes flared red-hot with rage. Naoe wanted to stare into them until that rage exploded into hatred.
Takaya demanded in a stifled, wary voice, “—You...just what the hell are you?”
Pleasure jolted Naoe as their eyes locked in a glaring content so intense that both their breaths caught. This was a battle far crueler than that between mere flesh and bone, Naoe thought, his lips curving in masochistic glee.
“I am your dog.”
“...”
“Your ‘mad dog.’”
Takaya shuddered, frozen in place as Naoe’s gaze pierced him. Yes, that coldness peculiar to Naoe which so wounded him, which seemed to carry so much hatred towards him—that coldness and cruelty was staring him in the face here and now.
Why where his clenched fists shaking so? Takaya could not begin to understand, to name the feelings welling up inside him. How could he understand it all?
This love so nearly hate that one was indistinguishable from the other—such an emotion was completely alien to Takaya. He had no answer to give Naoe, who made no move to leave. He could only stand there, seething with anger.
(Don’t make me be alone again.)
He would never let himself go back to being alone. Naoe gazed with pity at the wordless Takaya.
(There is nothing I can do but end this...)
He saw only ruin.
This path that led him endlessly back toward the errors of his past—he saw nothing at its terminus but destruction.
I betray you with this love. Without it I cannot go on living.
If only you would bind me more tightly to you.
If I knelt and abased myself before you in my defeat, my submission, would you be willing to kill me with your cold, triumphant smile then?
To throw away your kindness and lay bare your true cruelty...
And transform my humiliation into wracking pleasure—
You, my only dictator...
(Let me end this...)
Naoe closed his eyes, bracing himself against the tidal wave of madness and the battery of conflicting emotions with all his might.
There was still time. He could stop this insanity. If he didn’t want the past to repeat itself, he had but one choice...
Here, now, he could kill it all.
“...!” Naoe gasped, staring uncomprehendingly at what he could never have imagined. Takaya was looking straight at him, tears falling drop by silent drop from his eyes.
“Kagetora-sama...”
Takaya made no effort to conceal them. Hands clenched into fists, biting down hard on his lip, he glared at Naoe, a desperate plea in his eyes.
The last remaining shard of gentleness shattered within Naoe. He loved this being standing before him with a passion beyond all forgiveness, with such intensity that he could not breathe. Out of hatred so deep that hatred itself was transcended sprang a love approaching madness...
He reached out and tilted Takaya’s chin, a finger tracing his lips. He seized the wrist of the hand raised to push him back and pressed his lips hard against Takaya’s.
“...ah!”
The devouring kiss was so single-minded that it resembled a desperate sort of sorrow. Yet Takaya gasped against Naoe’s lips as he struggled frantically to break away.
"Let...go...of me...!’
The words were muffled and slurred between their lips, and Takaya flailed against Naoe in vain. Little by little the wave of emotions crested past their breakwaters. Takaya closed his eyes against the violent onslaught that could no longer be held back. Tears continued to slide down his cheeks from beneath his eyelids.
When Naoe finally moved away, Takaya remained standing stiffly, painfully where Naoe had left him, his eyes tightly shut.
Naoe quietly looked down at him. His reason scythed down his howls of anguish before they could reach his lips. Holding the emotions threatening to overwhelm him again at bay with its cruel blade, Naoe murmured slowly as he gazed at Takaya: “That was a lie...”—my love.
“...”
He repeated the words as if pronouncing judgment on himself, “All of my feelings until now have been a lie...”
Tears glistened on Naoe’s cheeks. Takaya’s eyes widened. He had never before seen Naoe cry. Why did his heart ache so at the sight? Why? He couldn’t think. The judgment Naoe had passed on himself melted into heartbreak in his smile. He stepped back from Takaya, then turned and walked away.
He could not allow himself to turn back.
He had to end this. He had no other choice.
He buried those unattainable yearnings deep in the abyss of his heart.
If he could not abandon himself to destruction...perhaps he would go on like this after all, carrying the ashes of his dead heart within him...
Silence settled into the room.
Takaya slowly turned from the door out of which Naoe had disappeared and looked towards the window. Rain was falling.
He clenched his fists, biting his lip as he watched the sudden evening shower veil the city in a smoky haze.
He began to shake helplessly.
END