Rigel: A Winter Constellation
Part 1
(A man stands in front of a bathroom sink, staring at himself in the mirror.)
Man
—What, in your life, do you choose to relinquish or retain?
Though truly, I had no choices to choose at all—
(A little boy is left standing forlornly in the snow.)
Saiga
Like a cut-out image, my memories always start from that spot.
Whiteness.
In the white snow.
Before long the pure white spread across my entire field of vision, and I could see nothing at all.
—Yes, that day I threw away my memories of that place.
—How many winters have passed since then?—
(A bustling city at night. A black-haired man with glasses and wearing a formal suit, Saiga, is driving. There is a beautiful, elegantly-dressed woman sitting on the back seat.)
Woman
—I want a kitten.
Saiga
A kitten...?
Woman
Yes, a kitten.
I saw one being raised by a friend of mine, and I somehow ended up wanting one too. Won’t you pick one for me, Saiga-san?
Saiga
Certainly.
Woman
Really? That makes me so happy!
I wonder which? A Scottish Maine Coon, perhaps? Though an ordinary Abyssinian would do as well.
(An older man with gray hair seated next to her interrupts.)
Man
Hey, hey!
Mika, how many times have I told you not to impose your selfishness on Saiga-san just because he’s working for me?
Mika
Oh my. But it’s not selfishness, you know. One can at least pester one’s fiancé with these requests, don’t you think so, Saiga-san?
(Saiga smiles slightly.)
Saiga
—Of course.
From now on this woman will be someone who is necessary to me.
—Please don’t worry about it, Mr. President.
If I think about it, the investment is not high.
Since it’s tied to my future, I can be at least always be kind even if I don’t love her.
(A party. The sign at the entrance reads: Kitajima-sensei celebration party. Saiga stands looking over the glittering assembly.)
A Man
What success, huh?
(A smiling man with a glass of wine in his hand approaches Saiga.)
Saiga
Takano.
Takano
Long time no see, Saiga.
I heard all about it. So you’re marrying the daughter of the president of Hirano Construction and pursuing the highway to success at full speed, huh?
(Saiga smiles.)
Saiga
Cut it out!
Takano
No, no, I must say as your old college classmate that I’m proud of you. I’m just a humble newspaper reporter.
(He glances behind.)
Ah.
—It’s Kitajima Chiji.
(Saiga looks in the same direction. Kitajima Chiji is a bulky man in his sixties with graying black hair and a politician’s smile.)
Saiga
—Kitajima Chiji—...
Takano
He’ll be elected for another term.
Saiga
The politician who graduated from T University and became the Minister of Home Affairs, who is now the prefecture governor.
Even flattery doesn’t depict him as an honest man—
Takano
There’s really no one else in the running, so the election this spring will be a sure thing for him.
Saiga
A man my company needs right now—...
(Takano sees someone else in the crowd.)
Takano
Hmm?
Why is he here?
Saiga
Eh?
Takano
Satoshi!
(The man thus called, a slim brown-haired man in a suit, walks over to them.)
Satoshi
Takano-san.
Takano
Hey.
Let me introduce you. This is my friend Saiga.
(Takano whispers to Saiga.)
I met him at one of those establishments in Shinjuku while I was on a research trip.
He has a rather pretty face, doesn’t he?
Saiga
—I see.
(He smiles pleasantly.)
—It’s nice to meet you.
I guess it could be said that we’re people who live in entirely different worlds.
(Satoshi suddenly looks as if he’d just been struck.)
Saiga
?
What’s wrong?
Satoshi
No...it’s nothing.
Saiga—Takahiro-san...it’s nice to meet you.
Saiga
—?
What’s with him? Strange guy.
—Excuse me. There are some people waiting for me.
Satoshi
Oh...!
(Satoshi looks after him with a lost expression.)
Saiga
—Guess they invited all sorts of people.
(Saiga approaches Kitajima.)
Sensei.
Kitajima Chiji
Mmm...you’re Hirano’s...
(Saiga bows.)
Saiga
Thank you very much for all your assistance in the past year.
Kitajima Chiji
Mmm...mmm.
(Kitajima whispers into Saiga’s ear.)
You...such talk requires a change of venue, doesn’t it—...
(Saiga smiles.)
Saiga
You’re quite right.
We’ve made reservations elsewhere if you would like to talk at leisure—...
In any case, if one is to live, one should live skillfully.
Without futility—
Shrewdly,
Wisely.
(Saiga is seated in a traditional Japanese restaurant. At the table are Kitajima and another older, balding man, who is the Managing Director of Hirano Construction.)
Managing Director
Then, Sensei, you’re saying that the construction projects for the prefectural office and the medical university will be awarded to us for certain?
(The Managing Director pours sake for Kitajima solicitously.)
Kitajima Chiji
Mmm...right.
Managing Director
Saiga-san.
Saiga
Yes.
(Saiga holds a wrapped parcel towards Kitajima.)
—Please accept this token from the President.
Kitajima Chiji
Mn...
Saiga
Sensei will probably also require some support in the upcoming elections, so despite our poor ability, if there is any way in which we can be useful—...
Kitajima Chiji
Mmm.
He probably also came from my alma mater, hmm?
Managing Director
Yes. He is excellent at everything he does.
Kitajima Chiji
Excellent, hmm—...
Mmm.
So...I see.
(He scrutinizes Saiga, then casually lays his hand on top of Saiga’s.)
And he isn’t bad-looking either.
Saiga
?!
(Saiga bows)
—Thank you very much.
?
What was that?
Is he drunk?
Kitajima Chiji
Hahah...
It seems I drank a little too much.
Saiga
Please watch your step.
Kitajima Chiji
I’m fine, I’m fine.
Saiga-kun, wasn’t it?
(Kitajima smiles.)
I’m taken with you. We’ll meet again, won’t we?
Saiga
I’ll be happy to.
(Unseen in the bushes, a man is taking pictures of the scene: the Managing Director speaking with Kitajima, Saiga holding a car door open for Kitajima.)
Good night, Sensei. Please watch your step.
—We leave ourselves in your hands.
(A last picture is taken of Saiga smiling as he bids Kitajima good-bye. Kitajima’s car drives off. Satoshi looks on from behind.)
Satoshi
—Saiga Takahiro.
I’ll make sure you don’t forget me for the rest of your life.
Whatever I have to do.
Because
That is
How I will avenge myself on you.
(Twilight. Saiga, on his way home from work, glances at his watch.)
Saiga
This is the first time I’ve gone home early in a long time, isn’t it?
Hmn?
(He notices something: a man, crouched in an alley as if he’s in pain.)
Oh...
(The man turns.)
You...
Are the one from the other day—...
(A bright doorway, stairs leading upward. The sign outside reads: Rigel. Inside, Satoshi sets down a glass.)
Satoshi
I’m sorry that you had to come with me all the way back to bar.
Saiga
It’s fine.
—But even so...
(Saiga glances out of the corners of his eyes at his surroundings. He is standing in front of a long counter with bottles stretching down the shelves along the wall.)
—Is this place yours?
Satoshi
Yes, it is.
(Satoshi takes some pills out of a bag and quickly swallows them down.)
Even though I say it myself, it’s a pretty nice place, don’t you think?
Saiga
It is a rather nice bar, but
Isn’t he a bit young to be the owner of a place like this?
Satoshi
—I rather like it myself.
Is there anything I can make for you?
Saiga
Ah, no, I’m fine.
Or perhaps in the night life business only this is profitable—...
I should be—...
Satoshi
You’re a bit of a cold fish, aren’t you?
But for someone like you to be seen walking around here at this time of night would be bad, wouldn’t it?
Saiga
“Around here—...”
Satoshi
Heh.
You’re a tough one.
Didn’t Takano-san tell you about what sort of a place this is?
About what sort of a person I am?
You wouldn’t have come here if he’d told you, would you?
(Satoshi leans in close and presses his lips against Saiga’s.)
Saiga
—...!
(Saiga strikes out at Satoshi.)
Satoshi
—How cruel. I was only giving you a word of warning.
(Satoshi smiles, touching his injured cheek.)
There are swarms of such people in the outside world, you see.
(Saiga swipes at his mouth.)
Saiga
You’re the one mocking me!
(Satoshi chuckles.)
Satoshi
—Do you know?
People who work without a bit of play will regret it later.
(Saiga grabs his coat.)
Saiga
That’s fine! I’m different from you!
I have nothing to regret!
(Satoshi suddenly looks up, the smile gone from his face.)
Satoshi
—...
Not even one little thing...?
Saiga
That’s right.
Satoshi
—That can’t be true. Everyone has at least one thing.
Yes, everyone has something they wish for.
One thing that they would choose to do over again.
If—if they could go back.
Something glistening at the bottom of their heart—something they had lost forever—...
A time like a jewel for which they would give anything in exchange.
Saiga
I have none.
I’ve always chosen exactly what I needed for myself.
I’m not like you. I have no regrets, and there is nothing I want to regain.
(Satoshi stares mutely at Saiga, and the look on his face makes even Saiga pause.)
—Ah, no
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that—...
—For a moment
I thought that he might cry—...
(Satoshi’s expression changes in an instant.)
Satoshi
Hah...
Hah...hah.
—You’re chickenshit.
You live in your narrow world, but you’re mistaken about everything you think you know about it.
You’re a conceited fool.
Saiga
Wh...!
Satoshi
—Have you never hurt someone?
You have, haven’t you?
—If you say even so that you have nothing to regret, then—...
You are an arrogant man with a cold heart.
(Saiga stares at Satoshi wordlessly. Satoshi touches Saiga’s chest with one finger.)
Is your heart made of ice?
Saiga
—...!
(He picks up his briefcase and shouts back at Satoshi as he leaves.)
Ah, why the hell did I come here in the first place?
I won’t ever come back again!
(Satoshi uncorks a bottle of wine.)
Satoshi
—But you know,
You will come back.
Very soon.
(In his apartment, Saiga flings down his coat and briefcase.)
Saiga
—He...!
Why did I have to listen to things like that from a guy like him?
Who was it who looked after him when he needed help?
Damn...it!
I should’ve just left him there—...
(He notices something and picks it up.)
A business card?
“Rigel” Adachi Satoshi—
When the hell did he come here? Damn it!
And...pictures...?
(His eyes widen.)
(Saiga slams open the door to the bar, panting.)
Satoshi
—Saiga-san.
Great timing. The decanter has just about brought out the flavor of the wine.
Saiga
These...!
(He flings down the pictures.)
Where did you get these?!
Satoshi
—Did you think that I built this bar by myself?
I have a patron, you see
—Kitajima Chiji.
Saiga
You’re Chiji’s lo...ver?
Satoshi
It’s not really something he asked me to do. I did it on my own.
Saiga
Huh!
These pictures prove nothing. We can just say that it was in support of his upcoming elections.
Satoshi
“The construction projects for the prefectural office and the medical university will be awarded to us for certain?”
—It was unexpectedly simple. I put bugs on Kitajima.
Bribery is a crime, is it not? If it gets out, it puts you in a rather sticky situation, doesn’t it?
The ones present were you and the Managing Director, Kantou’s branch manager.
Now, say that those two sacrifice you, Grandfather Tanuki, as the scapegoat.
If you’re sentenced to a jail term, of course your future with your charming young fiancée goes poof—
—And your entire life is wrecked.
Saiga
—Are you after money...?!
Satoshi
I have no use for money.
Saiga
If I tell Chiji about you—...!
Satoshi
I don’t need this bar either!
—You’ve caught my eye.
An old man’s body stained with corruption with its loose rustling skin—...
I’ve had enough of being Kitajima’s companion.
—Yes, in one’s life
—I want someone new.
One probably really has no choices at all.
(Satoshi leans in close and catches the scarf at Saiga’s neck.)
So?
To be indicted or to sleep with me—which do you chose...?
Because no matter how many responses are prepared
Well? Which will it be?
You’ve had nothing you regret up until now, isn’t that right?
One can only pray that that chosen response
—It’s your choice—...
Is the correct one.
Part 2
(Saiga lies naked in a bed, Satoshi moving above him.)
Satoshi
Ah...
...Nn
Haah...
Huu...
Mn...nn!
Saiga
...I look so foolish.
Satoshi
Ku!
Ah...ah...
Ah...
Ah...!
—...!
(Saiga remains impassive until the last.)
Saiga
...!
Damn it.
—How far should I go
in this ridiculous farce—?
(Afterwards, Satoshi takes a shower.)
Saiga
—Did you have fun?
Satoshi
Hmm?
Saiga
I asked if you had fun doing something like that.
(Saiga steps into the shower.)
Climbing on top of me as you please. Moving as you please.
Then isn’t it just like I’m a D—...
Satoshi
...utch wife?
(Satoshi smiles.)
Saiga
—...!
Satoshi
—Whatever. Dutch or tuna, it’s fine with me. As long as it’s with you, then I don’t care—...
Saiga
Eh?
Satoshi
...nothing.
(He steps out and puts on a robe.)
Anyway.
Do you want a cat?
It’s still a kitten.
I found it purring outside the bar.
(He picks up a black kitten and cradles it.)
It was skinny as a rail, so I took it home.
Saiga
“You took it home?”
Then why don’t you raise it yourself? If you’re going to pick it up, and then throw it away again at your whim because you get tired of it—you’re the type of guy who only thinks about himself, aren’t you?
Satoshi
That’s not being very kind, is it?
—Yes, I act on my own whims.
But I am not going to raise it.
—I’m going to find someone to be its owner.
(The next day.)
Saiga
Why did I have to go so far as to help this cat?
I’m infuriated at myself, at this self who doesn’t oppose him—...
(Saiga is in a car, scowling out the windshield at passersby on the street.)
Saiga
...
—Honestly, I hate bony, angular men’s bodies.
Satoshi’s body was like a starved cat’s—it was restless everywhere you touched.
It wasn’t firmly tender like a woman’s body.
Up close, his pale white skin was somehow covered with countless small bruises.
Rather than beautiful
(Saiga is sitting with Mika in a cafe.)
it was pitiful—...
Mika
—Saiga-san?
(She snaps her fingers at him.)
What is the matter? You seem distracted. Am I boring you?
Saiga
No, of course not. Forgive me, Mika-san.
Mika
It’s fine.
You’re very busy right now, are you not?
Papa said that you’re in the middle of some crucial business negotiations.
Saiga
Well, they’re not really that—
Mika
Anyway, is there anything you wanted to see me about?
Saiga
You had said a few days ago that you wanted a cat?
(He takes the black kitten out of his bag.)
Mika
Oh, how cute!
Saiga
I guess everything will be all right. It seems that she unexpectedly likes animals.
If this cat is to your fancy, won’t you raise it?
Everything will probably go smoothly.
Mika
—Oh my.
I’m sorry, but...
Saiga
Eh?
Mika
Well, this cat is a hybrid, isn’t it?
That’s just a bit—...
Saiga
A hybrid...
Mika
My friends’ cats all have pedigrees.
I was embarrassed, so I didn’t mention that.
But even if I don’t take it, you’ll surely find someone who will be glad to raise it.
You’ll come to understand a bit more about what I like, right?
Saiga
A cat steps purring out onto the road, and yet she wants a cat like a jewel to spend hundreds of thousands on.
A person’s worth is determined by the cost of that which he owns.
I, too, should have more class.
But—...
(Saiga has set the kitten down behind a house. It cries up at him plaintively.)
You’ll find someone soon.
A good person to come pick you up, so don’t worry.
He won’t know that I abandoned it here.
It’s just a cat he picked up on a whim that he forced on me, isn’t it?
It’s none of my responsibility.
I—...
Satoshi, Flashback
You’re chickenshit.
An arrogant man with a cold heart.
Saiga
—...Arrogant or cold
I never noticed it, so I lived my life with a clear conscious.
He—...
(Saiga bends down to pick up the kitten.)
Why did he sink those talons into my heart...?
He demanded neither money nor material things,
Only one-sided sex.
Despite his hostile words, why did he have such a defenseless look in his eyes?
What is it that he really wishes for—...?
As if it’s terrified of being throw away, it raises it voice in a cry and sinks its claws deeply into me as if clinging desperately to life.
—This kitten...
He’s the one who’s making threats against me.
Then why am I...!
(Saiga’s cell phone rings.)
Saiga
!
Kitajima Chiji.
(He answers.)
Yes.
Tonight, at the restaurant from last time? Yes, that will be wonderful.
Dinner? I will meet you there.
(He hangs up.)
?
That’s unusual.
A private meeting, without even the President...
Could it be that he wasn’t satisfied with the amount from last time, and is going to demand more?
Greedy old man.
Well, I guess I’ll meet him and find out—...
(Night, the traditional Japanese restaurant. Laughter comes from the lighted interior.)
Saiga
—but I was very much surprised. Just the two of us—
Surely having the Managing Director here would be better...?
(Saiga pours sake for Kitajima. Kitajima smiles.)
Kitajima Chiji
Ah, no, that’s quite all right. Didn’t I say earlier that I was quite taken with you?
Or is it that you find being alone with an old man like me disagreeable?
Saiga
Of course not. It’s only that I’m worried that someone inexperienced like me would bore you.
Speaking of which, Satoshi said that he had slept with this grandfather, too, didn’t he?
With Chiji—...
—I’m beginning to feel nauseous...
(Kitajima wraps his hands around Saiga’s as he holds out the sake bottle.)
Saiga
!
Kitajima Chiji
What’s wrong? Your mind appears to be elsewhere.
Saiga
Ah...
—I’m very sorry.
I think I may have had a bit too much to drink.
Kitajima Chiji
Oh? Then that’s perfect.
Saiga
Ch-Chiji?!
(Kitajima smiles and grabs Saiga.)
Kitajima Chiji
I also took the next room.
Would you like to rest there?
Saiga
!
Wh...!
You-you must be joking!
I know about your preferences, and I am completely—...
Kitajima Chiji
If you know, then I can speak frankly.
I was pleased with you from the first time I saw you.
Saiga
I...It’s not like I have a woman’s face, so why...
Aren’t you mistaken about something?
Kitajima Chiji
Saiga-kun.
Saiga
!
Kitajima Chiji
You should be intimate with me, shouldn’t you?
One whose trade is construction work depends upon my favors...isn’t that true?
Saiga
—-...!
That is true, but...
I mustn’t anger him, but
But
This is—...
Ugh...
Why do I...
S-stop...it...please!
This—...
...Ah!
Kitajima Chiji
Saiga-kun...
I like your type.
The type that can’t even imagine their collars rumpled.
What kind of noises will you make, I wonder?
(Kitajima touches him.)
Saiga
—I can’t
—I can’t take any more!
(He strikes out.)
Saiga
—...
(The next day.)
Saiga
I slept with Satoshi, but somehow
I cannot endure Chiji at all—...
(The receptionist at the company spots him.)
Receptionist
Saiga-san.
The President has called for you.
Saiga
Is it about yesterday?
I guess it wouldn’t have gone away just like that.
I assaulted Chiji completely without reason and ran away.
President
—Saiga-kun?
Saiga
Mr. President. I’m very sorry. Yesterday—...
President
Hmm?
That is it?
Anyway, Saiga-kun, something unpleasant has come up.
Saiga
He’s not talking about yesterday...?
President
Such as the gratuity for Chiji.
It seems that it has leaked out.
Saiga
Then Satoshi...?!
President
Satoshi?
Who is that?
It seems somehow that the Public Safety Commission knew about the Chiji matter and was moving on it.
He was always the extravagant type.
But we are now also in danger.
Saiga
Then that matter you are speaking of really may have been exposed...
President
—Well, about that.
Is it not something you and the Managing Director did of your own discretion?
Saiga
...eh?
President
Listen, you took the entirety of the Hirano Construction donations and used it for your own grandstand play—
Let’s be frank about it—
You must know that it is a form of embezzlement.
(The president pats Saiga on the shoulder.)
You should get a good lawyer.
I will do whatever I can.
It is, after all, for the sake of the company.
(A park. Saiga is sitting with his face in his hands at the edge of a fountain.)
Saiga
—I—...
What have I spent my life on up until now—...
(The black kitten leaps up at someone’s knee.)
Satoshi
Ahahah, you’re so playful!
Here!
(He picks up the kitten.)
Saiga
—I—...
I’m not the real son of my current parents.
My real parents committed suicide because they had failed in a business venture.
I was put in an institution, and then claimed by a couple who wanted a clever child.
When my parents died, not one relative came.
No one wanted to be related to us.
The only ones who came were the debtors.
Hah...hah.
If only the young me hadn’t gone to the funeral...
—I have so many of these miserable thoughts...!
Why...
That’s why I came to think
That I would live more skillfully.
Why am I tell him these things?
But...
Because I can tell them to no one else—...
I am the same—a loser—...
Satoshi
—what are you whining about?
When you would have done the same to someone else.
When you trampled over someone, used them and threw them away, you’ve said, “Well, it can’t be helped,” haven’t you? But when it comes your turn you’re suddenly the most unhappy man on earth?
You’re shameless, aren’t you.
I’m amazed.
—but
(Satoshi wraps his arms around Saiga.)
Right now
—I’ll be beside you.
Saiga
—...!
Satoshi
...because you look lonely.
Almost like this kitten—
Saiga
Sinking his talons into me at his whim.
Even though he opposes me at every turn.
Satoshi
You’re shivering...
Saiga
He understands more than anyone when I need to have someone beside me.
—This cat...
You’re cunning, aren’t you?
Because I—
I, right now—
I’m so weak right now.
When you give me kindness like this—
Anyone would accept it—...
(Saiga clutches at Satoshi’s arm.)
Satoshi
...do you have any other?
Saiga
Eh?
Satoshi
Do you have any other family besides your parents?
Saiga
Why do you—...
Actually, I do. But we’ve been separated since we were children—it’s been more than ten years ago now.
...when I left the institution, I thought that I had thrown away my past—...
—Even if I saw him now, I probably wouldn’t even recognize him.
...are you going to blame me for being cold again?
I—...
(Satoshi covers his mouth with a hand, and then suddenly collapses.)
Saiga
Satoshi...?
Satoshi?!
Satoshi!!
Part 3
“Rigel”. Winter’s constellation, one of the stars that form Orion.The two stars that make up the Double Bridge of the Palace—
But it is impossible to distinguish the subtle radiance of the companion star, nestled quietly against the master star, with the naked eye—...
(A hospital.)
Satoshi
—I hardly need to be in a hospital.
Saiga
You can stop bluffing.
You totally collapsed yesterday, Satoshi!
Satoshi
—...
Saiga
Anyway, I came to talk with the doctor, so be a grownup about this, okay?
(Saiga sits down with the doctor in his office.)
Doctor
—Are you family?
Saiga
No, but I heard that he didn’t have any relatives remaining, so I—...
Doctor
I see.
Then I would strongly recommend that you have him hospitalized as soon as possible.
He—...
Saiga
What!
(Satoshi looks back at the hospital, then walks away.)
Saiga
Satoshi suddenly disappeared that day
without telling me anything.
(Saiga is at Satoshi’s apartment building. His mailbox is overflowing with mail. His door is unlocked. Saiga walks in.)
—Satoshi...
Where did you go? If I don’t find you, you’ll—...
(He huffs a laugh at the magazines thrown haphazardly on the floor.)
Funny, isn’t it? You should be the person I most want to go away. But instead I’m...
Somehow you’ve become so important to me—...
Important...
So if I don’t hurry...
If I don’t find some clue...
(He sees something lying on the floor.)
Hmm?
If it continues like this...
A driver’s license...
He rushed away without even bring this? He only took the cat—
(Saiga picks up the driver’s license, and his eyes widen.)
This is—...!
(The phone rings.)
Could it be...?
(Saiga answers.)
...Yes?
Satoshi...?
Voice on Phone
Is Satoshi there? It’s about what we spoke of the other day—...
Saiga
Takano...?
Takano
Oh, is that Saiga?
Editor in Takano’s News Office
This correction is—...
Takano
Why are you there?
No way—you’re not hitting on him, are you? Don’t! He’s Kitajima Chiji’s—...
Saiga
—I know.
Takano
Then why—
Saiga
...Takano. Have you heard about Chiji and our company from Satoshi?
Takano
—Huh? About what? He only asked me about the cat.
Saiga
—cat...?
Takano
He asked if I could look after a black kitten because he was going on a trip.
He’s a capricious fellow too, so he didn’t know when he would be back—
Saiga
A trip...did he tell you where?
Takano
Who knows? He didn’t say much. Only that he wanted to go star-gazing at his home town.
Saiga
Star-gazing?
Takano
But no one knows where his home town is.
Saiga
—...no, that’s enough.
I’ll tell you something in return to thank you.
Proof of the connection between Hirano Construction and Kitajima Chiji.
Documents that prove bribery over these past few years.
I myself am the best witness.
—it’s strange. Why am I so stubborn?
Takano
Saiga, you—...!
Saiga
—it’s fine.
The company, a successful career—
Even if I should lose it all...
But could you wait just a few days to make the official announcement...?
It’s as if I don’t care about any of it anymore.
Until we come back—...
Takano
Saiga, where in the world are you—...
Saiga
Because right now, there is just the one thing—...
—Hokkaidou—...
—Only the one person I cannot lose—...
Saiga
—Satoshi...
I know where you’ve gone.
There is only one place you—
Only one place we have in our memories to return to.
This vast northern land.
A country of snow.
(Saiga stands in front of a large house and traces the placard at the gates, which reads “Orphanage”.)
A place of the past when you and I were children...
Even though so much has passed since then.
At the last we can call only this place our home town—...
(Rounding the house, he sees Satoshi)
Satoshi
—Hello.
Since you’ve made your way here, I assume that you now know everything...?
—Nii-san.
Saiga
Kazu...ki.
Kazuki
Or had you long ago forgotten that you even had a younger brother?
Saiga
Kazuki...!
Kazuki
You wanted to conceal the fact that you were adopted from an orphanage, didn’t you?
You never once came to visit.
That why I went to see you myself, a long time ago.
They told me not to come anymore, your parents.
“Our son is someone with a future, you see. It would be bad if people found out about his past. Please think of the circumstances.”
That’s why I stopped going to see you.
I said...that I had always been alone.
And that’s...how I thought of it.
(Kazuki suddenly clutches at his chest and sinks to the ground.)
Saiga
—Kazuki...!
(Saiga runs over.)
Kazuki!
You need to go to the hospital—...!
Kazuki
Let...go of me.
Saiga
You can feel bitter towards me, you can curse me! But just listen to me this once!
We need to get you to a hospital right now!!
Kazuki
—I’ll die either way, won’t I...?
—I know. It’s the final stages of a terminal cancer.
If you say that you don’t have any family, they’ll tell you directly.
What was that—“you can feel bitter towards me”? —Of course I do. Of course I feel bitter...!
You threw me away—...
That’s why when the doctor asked if I have any family, I told him that I don’t.
—But
But you know, it’s strange. When he told me that I was doing to die, what do you think was the first thing that flashed through my mind?
—“I want to see my brother.”
—“I want to see my brother...! I want to see my brother. I want to see my brother.”
—"I want
—to see my brother once before I die—...!"
—It repeated in my head like a broken record—that one thing I wished for.
To see you—...
Kazuki, Flashback to the party
What expression would be on his face when he saw me?
Would he be surprised? Would he hate me?
No, this separation would surely have hurt him too.
But now—...
Yes, I can forgive him now.
If he apologizes, I can smile and forgive him. Because it’s all in the past.
I can smile, because we’re both adults now. It doesn’t matter anymore.
So I don’t care anymore. I’m okay.
So come on, notice me. I’m over here. Hurry. Hurry...!
And I wanted to say—I have always—...
Saiga, Flashback to the party
—Oh...
—It’s nice to meet you.
Kazuki
Hah...hahah...
Funny, isn’t it...?
“It’s nice to meet you.”
Saying something like that to your own brother—“It’s nice to meet you”.
—You had no recollection of me at all, did you?
—You didn’t care what happened to your brother.
I—
Yes
—It was I alone who
It would have been enough if you had just remembered me.
Remembered...that I...existed.
had always—...
Saiga
Kazuki...
Kazuki
Hey...
I’m your brother. Your brother with a body that’s been used over and over again.
Does it disgust you?
It does, doesn’t it?
You seemed to hate the mere act of doing it with a man.
Saiga
Kazuki...Stop it...!
Kazuki
It’s true, isn’t it?!
But even so I’m glad.
When the notice of my death reached you, it would probably have made you just a little sad.
If your last remaining family died, you would probably have indulged in a little sentiment. “Now I’m a person without a single relative,” you would have said.
But you would soon have forgotten about it. Because it would only have been a brother you hadn’t even seen in however many years.
So if it’s only this, then I don’t care if you detest me! I don’t care if you hate me!
The times you remember me, even if it’s with a scowl on your face,
My hands, my fingers, my body—
You can’t forget about me anymore, can you?!
Because you held your own brother in your arms—...!!
Saiga
Kazuki...!
Kazuki
I know.
—that you’re a cold person.
Your heart is made of ice.
But I have always
Because...you...
—waited for this person...!
deserted me for 15 years without feeling anything at all—...!
—I don’t care if you hate me.
Because that feeling will always remain with you.
I have waited only for him.
But he
never came—...
—I
didn’t want to wait anymore—...
I didn’t want to—...
(Saiga kneels and wraps his arms around Kazuki.)
Saiga
—No.
That’s not true.
I don’t hate you at all...!
When did it start? I never noticed.I—...
I—
—love you.
I...love...you—...!
I...love you.
Is this feeling because of blood? Is it pity? It almost seems so, but it’s none of those.
Kazu...ki.
—I love you—...
More than anyone—...!
Is it okay if I don’t know—...?
—I can’t say the words “forgive me.”
—and it hurts...
(A room. Kazuki and Saiga kiss, then separate a little and stare at each other for long moments. Saiga kisses down Kazuki’s naked chest, moving lower, and lower still.)
Kazuki
Nn...
—...
Ah!...ah...
Ah!...aaaah...!
(Kazuki arches, clutching at Saiga’s hair.)
Saiga
—I understand now
The meaning of what he said.
Kazuki
Uu...
Fu...
Ah...k
Pl...please. Oh, please...
(Kazuki clings to Saiga’s arms as Saiga leans over him.)
Ah...!
Saiga
If you don’t know what it is to love, then neither do you know pain.
Kazuki
I..can’t...
Saiga
Such a person was I—...
Kazuki
—Aaaah
Bury yourself inside me.
Saiga
Within you—I will fill you inside—...
(He moves.)
Kazuki
Hya...aaaaah...!
(Tears flow steadily down Kazuki’s cheeks.)
Nn...
Saiga
—What is it?
Kazuki
—I’m happy.
This is the first time that you—...
Saiga
—If there is anything I regret
It’s not that I’m holding you like this.
It’s that—I ever hurt you.
(They clutch at each other desperately.)
Kuzuki
Hya....aaah! Ah!
Ah ah ah—...!
Ee...ah...ah...!
Kill...—ah
Kill...me...
—Somehow, like this
—I beg you.
—kill me now...!
(They reach for each other and hold on tightly.)
—In this moment when I know my greatest happiness—
—I want to die—...
(A little later, Saiga and Kazuki lie in bed together.)
Saiga
—When we go back, let’s sell the bar and live together.
I have some savings, too, so let’s run far away.
Even if it’s just for a short time.
Let’s go together.
(He holds Kazuki’s hand and smiles.)
—Speaking of which, you came here to star-gaze, didn’t you? Which star did you want to see?
(Kazuki smiles a happy smile.)
Kazuki
...Rigel. The star called Rigel...Nii-san.
Saiga
—it seems like he’s recalling some memory.
Rigel...the name of Kazuki’s bar, right?
No, it’s something farther back than that. Something...
But I’m drifting off—
Where have I—...
I can’t hold off sleep any longer—...
Where have I—...
(Kazuki walks out the door, looking back at Saiga asleep on the bed. When Saiga wakes, there is no one else in the room.)
Saiga
Kazu...ki?
(The kitten in its basket purrs. There is a letter there. Saiga reads: “Please take care of the little one. Good-bye.”)
Saiga
KAZUKI...!
(Saiga flings open the door. Outside he only sees darkness and snow.)
Kazu...ki...
(He falls to his knees in the snow.)
...!
Saiga, flashback
That’s Orion.
Saiga
Rigel...Of...course...
Saiga, flashback
That’s Orion. Sirius. Capella.
Saiga
I remember.
That was—...
That was from when we were children.
Kazuki, flashback
You know so much! Then what is that white star?
Saiga, flashback
That’s Rigel. It looks like one star, but it’s actually made from two stars.
Kazuki, flashback
Hmm...?
They’re starry best friends, aren’t they?
Then they’re like us, right? We’ll always be together like those stars, right?
Saiga
—Why...
Kazu...ki...
Kazuki, flashback
—Wouldn’t it be great if we could stay together like that?
Saiga
Why did you have to be so like that star?
—Rigel is—...
The twinkling of Rigel lasts for such a short time
It disappears with the spring—
A winter constellation—...
END
