Illusionary cherry blossoms danced in the night wind at the ‘sandy river embankment.’ The blizzard of flower petals took him back to that day four hundred years ago.
That day, in the spring wind out of the north—
When he had looked down from his horse beneath sakura trees and white petals swirling in the air and laid eyes for the first time upon that beautiful maiden.
“What is thy name?”
And in the moment she had first looked up at him with her sweet smile—
“I am called Sayuri.”
The sound of passing cars mingled with the murmur of the Jinzuu River
. Narimasa stood at the foot of the bridge and gazed at the glow from the enormous “energy” Sayuri released into the darkness.
His sentiment for this place didn’t go as deep as he had imagined. Nothing of the castle town he had known remained now, after four hundred years. Only the sound of the river was unchanged.
Standing in the river breeze, Narimasa looked off into the distance, his mind galloping back along the river to a long-past era.
Hundreds of years now since he had transferred to Higo Province by Hideyoshi’s command—and died there, forced to commit seppuku after taking the blame for the revolt of the local clans. He had never imagined that he would be able to tread again on this land of Toyama.
In the «Yami-Sengoku» he had taken Kyuushuu with Higo as his base, but the heavy responsibilities he bore as kanshousha and a commander of the Oda army had called him out of his territory to concentrate his efforts on destruction of the Ikkou Sect once they had started moving in the provinces around Kyoto—had it been two years ago?
But he had never set foot into Toyama City.
(Mayhap I was afraid of meeting thee...)
Of a guilty conscience.
He had, perhaps, simply been running away from Sayuri, the woman who had become an onryou out of hatred for him.
(What a coward I am.)
Even after four hundred years he had not forgotten her bitter cries.
Nor the things he had done here at this ‘sandy river embankment.’
The memories came alive again.
“My lord, I beg thee to believe me!” Sayuri had pleaded, sobbing, her eyes clinging to his and long black hair disheveled and wild. “I ne’er even dreamed of doing such a thing! I...have prayed day and night for thy safe return. Only that! I have awaited thy return all this time...!” Sayuri had taken her life into her hands to plead her innocence against the heartless slander aimed against her even before the raging demon that he had become.
Sayuri...
I think I completely lost my mind...
Thou wouldst never have been in secret communication with anyone. More than any other, I, Narimasa, should have known the sincerity of thy heart.
Why did I believe such foolish slander from lips besmirched by jealousy?
“My lord...!”
Sayuri. I have not the right to explain myself to thee.
For Narimasa in those days of endless battle, pushed to his limit by the continual taking of lives on all sides, Sayuri’s presence had been his only peace. In a sea of blood she alone had remained untouched.
She alone he had never wanted anyone to sully.
He had looked upon her bloody form out of demented eyes as he had slashed again and again into her skin. Sayuri. Even then thou wert never stained. Thou art the eternally beautiful white lily of thy name.
Sayuri’s heart-rending screams could not reach Narimasa. Stop, he too had screamed within his own mind, crying bloody tears, stop this now. But that voice, lost within his madness, could not reach him. Nothing could.
His lord Nobunaga’s sudden death, internal strife, attack and defense against Hideyoshi, a succession of hard winters, the stillborn alliance with Tokugawa Ieyasu... And battle after battle. He had looked upon Sayuri, hanging blood-drenched from the hackberry tree, out of the depths of a dreamlike despair.
Mayhap neither thee nor any can understand what defense I may muster... E’en hope of such is, belike, naught but the hubris of a madman. ’Tis meet that none should understand, Sayuri, even thee...
And yet, Sayuri... How happy I was for the time thou wert beside me. Though it wert for but a passing moment, though I knew full well that I could not turn away from battle—no, because I knew it, the little time I spent with thee was so precious to me. The time we spent together in this land of Toyama... How dear to me thy warm smile as we stood within the gentle sunlight.
The knowledge that she would be waiting for him here had allowed him to leave those horrifying scenes of carnage behind him, to surmount any crisis. It had been his emotion sustenance. Her gentle smile was the image that he had called to mind in his pain.
Sayuri, thou wert my heart’s home.
It was the only thing I could do. Battered mercilessly by the wind of misfortune, I dragged my weary body through the days of endless war with my life in my hands, clawing my way forward without a destination. I knew not even what to hope for. After the death of my lord I wore my soul away in the maelstrom of battle and conspiracy simply for the sake of staying alive.
But I had decided to battle my way though that world of subtle lies, a corrupt world that had lost all order. For it held one thing that could never be polluted. So I set myself to fight to protect that which should never be sullied—to protect thee from all their hardened hearts...
But I failed even that. In the end I was left with naught but the hollowness and hopelessness of a fruitless struggle. I saw no path remaining before me. And in the depths of my despair I heard the ugly slander of my family.
When those words thrust into my heart like a finishing blow, I felt as if a stain of darkness had covered all.
And something broke within me.
Sayuri, ’twas not that I did not believe thee. Nay, I prevaricate. I doubted even thee. I believed that thou had betrayed me. Even thee, my last pillar—
Wouldst even thou betray me? Would all deceive me, turn against me, abandon me?
I suspected everything and everyone, for suspicion breeds suspicion. I lost myself to hatred, rage, madness, wrapped in a delusion of victimization.
To such an extent that I cannot now recall the horrifying acts I performed in that state...
I could not believe thy pleas of innocence.
Thy last hate-filled gaze, my beloved, is burned into my retinas.
How absurd these self-justifications.
No words can erase the past. What a foolish man I am.
Sayuri—the lovely white lily that blooms alone in the snow fields of the tallest peak of Toyama’s holy mountain in the harsh winter.
I never had the right to love thee.
Illusionary cherry blossoms scattered before him on the night wind—the storm of sakura petals from that day he first laid eyes on Sayuri...
After four hundred years, only the sound of the Jinzuu River was unchanged here at the sandy river embankment.
And now right in front of him—
The figure of his beloved, grotesquely transformed...
“Narimasa!”
Sayuri’s hate exploded the moment Narimasa appeared. By the time Takaya and Naoe caught up to him at a dead run, a courageous battle had already begun at the sandy river embankment.
“Aaah!” That single shout was all Takaya could manage as he froze at the sight, at a scene straight out of Hell. Narimasa stood on the embankment. Dark fire lashed at him, a fierce wind scythed down the sakura trees, and explosions jolted the ground.
Sayuri’s long, deep hatred struck at Narimasa.
“You...!”
“We mustn’t, Kagetora-sama!” Naoe checked him.
“Why?!” Takaya yelled. “He’s gonna be killed if this goes on...!”
“Are you going to help Narimasa? Have you forgotten what we promised Rairen?!”
“Who the hell cares about that? They say jump and we ask how high?!”
“It’ll be useless to interfere, Kagetora-sama! Why would you aid Narimasa? We cannot intervene!”
“‘Why’...?!”
Takaya stopped and looked at Narimasa and Sayuri.
This was retribution, a natural recompense for the brutal acts Narimasa had performed. None who knew of the pain he had inflicted on her would condemn Sayuri for taking revenge. Indeed, Takaya, too, believed that Narimasa deserved to die at Sayuri’s hands. Die and be cast into Hell for his unforgivable crimes...! He deserved this. He deserved to be flung into the lowest pit in Hell. And yet...!
(No...) Takaya clenched his fists. (Narimasa, you...!)
“Sayuri!”
Even engulfed by the dark flames of Sayuri’s hatred, Narimasa faced her with unflinching determination. A razor whirlwind coiled around him, tearing into his flesh, and a mist of blood danced into the air. Narimasa attacked Sayuri relentlessly, but the «power» of Sayuri’s hatred far surpassed Narimasa’s.
Takaya and Naoe stood watching helplessly.
Sayuri flung each of Narimasa’s attacks back into his face with twofold intensity, but he never faltered. It was almost as if he were trying to provoke her.
(Kill me, Sayuri!) The gut-wrenching cry tore again and again from Narimasa’s throat. Come, rend me into a thousand pieces with your hatred!
He had come for this.
Yes, you’re the reason I remained in this world. It was why I attained the power of kanshou, why I took this body capable of feeling the same anguish and agony as you did that day.
You’re not satisfied, are you? Hurt me to your heart’s content. Visit upon me the agony of Hell until your hatred is sated.
I do not ask for forgiveness. I don’t entertain the foolish hope that you could forgive me. This is my desire, so fulfill yours. Let your hatred stop my next breath...!
“Let your hands cast me down to hell, Sayuri!”
Sayuri’s demonic head danced madly, howling with rage or wild joy. A violent wind churned the river, and tornadoes tore countless trees out of the ground.
“What terrifying power...” Shimotsuma Rairen stared with shock at the sight. The time was past when anyone or anything could come between them.
Narimasa’s voice reached Naoe with perfect clarity. He stood frozen in place. All his animosity towards Narimasa had evaporated, leaving him hollow and heart-stricken by agonizing memories.
Let your hands cast me down.
For a moment Narimasa’s words echoed with Kagetora’s voice within his chest.
(Is it pleas for forgiveness that you want to wring from me?)
Naoe suddenly felt a flash of illumination.
The victim gained the right to shackle the one who had wronged him. Had Kagetora driven Naoe into his crime in order to bind him? Why did that thought grip his mind and refuse to let him go? Twined chains of love and guilt held him fast. Were you not satisfied until you could hold this over me? If so, then you are the self-serving one.
Kagetora had driven him forward with words sharper than any blade. Yet how many times had he thrust them deep into Naoe’s body and mind? Words meant to shove him down. Words that had lashed him onward even as the empty sky swallowed his screams. If you want your wishes to be granted, then scream them at me.
Hate consumed you even as you commanded me with that imperious look in your eyes.
“You are my dog, and I hold your leash.” Such cold, arrogant eyes.
As if declaring if you hunger so, then I shall turn my own body into bait to entice you.
And he had howled the desire seething in his blood—
“I love you...”
Let the pain drive me mad!
For a moment his thoughts tuned themselves to the empty sky.
“This agony is the proof of my love for you—...”
“! ...Oh shit!”
Sayuri’s ghostly storm began to lash out at the neighboring houses. Roof tiles were blown away, and trees seemed in danger of being pulled out by their roots.
“Naoe! Put up a «goshinha»! We need to keep this contained!”
“...!”
Naoe, flung out of his thoughts, turned to Takaya, who concentrated his will and formed a «goshinha» around them. Naoe followed his lead. Their shields enclosed the surrounding area in a veil of energy—but they would not be able to contain Sayuri’s raging power for long.
“Guh...!”
Takaya and Naoe fought to remain standing in the face of Sayuri’s overwhelming strength. They shielded themselves and held their ground, but it would be only a matter of time before that power exploded in their faces.
“Kagetora-sama! This is too dangerous! We can’t hold on much longer...!”
“«Choubuku», then...?!”
They had reached the limit of neutrality. Takaya formed the ritual gesture of Bishamonten. But at that moment—!
They covered themselves as something suddenly crashed into the ground in front of them like a bomb going off. They lifted their eyes to see Shimotsuma Raishou standing before them.
“We told you not to interfere, Uesugi!”
“The deal’s off!” Takaya shouted back coldly. “We said that we’d intervene if Sayuri was going to harm innocent people!”
“And you think we’ll let you, Yasha-shuu?!”
A violent “energy” sprang up around Raishou.
Rairen, who was observing Sayuri and Narimasa from a small distance away, whirled towards Raishou.
“You must not...! It’s not time, Raishou!”
But the battle had already begun. Takaya and Naoe had squared off against Raishou with Sayuri’s tempest whirling around them.
“Naoe, take the outer «goshinha»! Can you hold them both?”
“At your command!”
Naoe grasped Takaya’s «goshinha», pouring every last drop of energy into holding both shields. Takaya commenced the offensive against Raishou, who had come here with the intention of using any chink in the armor of either Kagetora or the Yasha-shuu to bury them. Shooting off bolts of «nenpa», he ran into Sayuri’s ghostly storm.
Takaya shielded himself against the «nenpa» crashing into the ground at his feet and gathered «power» with all his might, shouting, “Get out of our way—!”
Boom!
The ground trembled with the thunderous explosion, and Raishou flinched away. Takaya kept his eyes on Raishou while he formed the symbol of Bishamonten. But Raishou, guessing at his intent, pressed his hands together as Takaya envisioned the seed syllable of his god’s name.
“We are the followers of the Buddha! Your accursed «choubuku» has no effect on us!”
“...!”
Raishou fervently chanted, “Namu Amida Butsu”. A white undulating “curtain of self-protection” surrounded Raishou.
(Amida’s divine protection. Could it really...!)
Takaya evoked an outer bind with a sharp yell.
“ (bai)!”
But it had no effect on Raishou. He smiled arrogantly even as he continued to chant the name of his deity. Disbelievingly, Takaya formed Bishamonten’s mudra once more.
“ (bai)!”
“Your spells are useless against me, Uesugi! So now we know which of us is the true believer!”
“Hmph!” Takaya spat in disgust.
Meanwhile, Naoe was being overwhelmed by the power of Sayuri and the other wraiths.
(Is this too much to handle for me on my own...?!)
Sayuri’s power combined with that of the kaki exceeded his. The increasing pressure of their energy was filling the «goshinha» veil that enclosed them like a rubber balloon. If it broke, the explosive release of power would probably blow away the residences and other buildings around them instantly.
(I am not going to let it happen...!)
But he couldn’t hold on any longer!
(Is this as far as I can go?!)
“Looks like you could use a hand, Naoe!”
The «goshinha» suddenly stabilized. The speaker was Kousaka, and his «goshinha» now supported the other two.
“Kousaka, you...!”
“Never mind, go help Kagetora exorcise Raishou. Deal with ’em while they’re distracted!”
“You didn’t...!”
The pressure intensified within the «goshinha». Sayuri’s savage attack had reached its peak. Narimasa, his body bloody and mangled, dropped to his knees and could not get up again.
Naoe turned to Takaya, who was narrowly holding his own against Raishou’s concentrated attack.
“Kagetora-sama!” he yelled, shooting a «nenpa» towards Raishou, who faltered at the sudden attack. Takaya turned.
“Naoe! Hold him with an outer bind!”
“At your command!”
They cast paralysis on Raishou simultaneously. Raishou chanted with renewed fervor, but...!
“Ugh...!”
He gave a short moan as his body froze in place. Their double casting had taken effect. The tide had turned in their favor.
“Noumakusamanda bodanan baishiramandaya sowaka!”
Raishou struggled fiercely, but they chanted with increasing force: “Namu Tobatsu Bishamonten! For this demon subjugation, lend us thy power!”
Raishou chanted with silent desperation, but it could no longer save him. He screamed at Rairen for help. Rairen only stood looking at him coldly.
(This cannot be happening...!)
“«Choubuku»!” Takaya and Naoe cried in one voice. Flung out of his body, Raishou’s soul disappeared into the light.
Next, Sayuri! Takaya thought, turning—then stopped, stunned and disbelieving.
“Naoe, look!”
“Wh...?”
Sayuri’s ghostly tempest weakened rapidly and finally died, and the dark tongues of spiritual energy brightened and cleared. A blood-covered Narimasa lay sprawled upon the embankment.
The other spirits, too, had calmed. The demonic flying head quietly floated downward, and its body appeared.
Sayuri, clad in a white kimono, came to stand beside the unmoving Narimasa.
(Is he dead...?)
Sayuri’s body glowed with pale light.
She looked down upon Narimasa, her face as beautiful now as it had been in her past life.
Perhaps saying that she was...satisfied.
She had killed Narimasa by her own hand. She had sent him to Hell. Perhaps now, with her vengeance accomplished, she could rest.
Narimasa’s body stirred. He was not yet dead. With his last remaining strength Narimasa managed to lift his mangled upper body slightly.
“Sa...yuri...” he breathed. He coughed, and fresh blood splattered from his lips. Panting for breath, he looked up at Sayuri standing beside him.
“Take...me...with you...”
Sayuri gazed silently down at Narimasa, no trace of human expression or emotion on her face.
“...Sa...yu...ri...” Narimasa whispered. A single tear trickled down his hollowed, blood-blackened cheek.
“...I’m...sorry...”
He reached a red-stained hand towards her in a last silent plea. Sayuri only looked at him.
The other spirits floated away from Sayuri and flitted into the sky like the fireflies that had once danced above the Jinzuu River. They flew into the night sky and vanished one by one into the stars.
And then—
Sayuri’s body, too, became a tiny light and slowly, soundlessly danced into the sky. Narimasa traced her light’s path upward out of blurred and dimming eyes.
Sayuri’s soul melted into the night sky and disappeared.
“Narimasa!”
Takaya and Naoe sprinted up to him. Takaya lifted Narimasa up into his arms, but his breaths were already growing fainter.
“Naoe! Call an ambulance!”
“...There’s no need. He is already beyond our help...”
Narimasa’s broken breathing steadied slightly as he looked hazily up at Takaya.
“So it’s...turned out...exactly as...you planned...”
“What are you talking about?! We are not allied with the Ikkou Sect!”
“...Indeed...? In any case...we are...enemies...” he said, and coughed more blood. The mutilated ruins of his body forced onlookers to avert their gazes; to say he was covered with lacerations was true, but far from the reality. His face was white as paper from the loss of blood.
“...It seems...Sayuri...has already...ascended...”
“She’s crossed over. I saw it with my own eyes.”
“Ah...” A tiny smile appeared at the corners of Narimasa’s lips. “...Then...every...thing...is as...it should be...” He gathered the last of his strength and addressed Takaya: “Uesugi-dono, this body is...about to die. ...When it does...you’ll be able...to perform...«choubuku» on me.”
“Narimasa.”
“...That’s...what you wanted...is it not...? ...So...hurry and...do it. If you don’t...I will...come back...”
Stunned, Takaya stared at Narimasa. “You’re not... Are you saying you want us to perform «choubuku» on you?”
“Hah... What fool...ness...” His bloody grip on Takaya’s shoulder belied the show of bravado.
“I...am...a comman...of...Oda. You think...you can...des....roy me...like...”
“Narimasa! Hey, Narimasa!”
His voice faded. With his last breath, his eyes sought the patch of sky into which Sayuri had disappeared. The sound of the Jinzuu River recalled distant memories to his mind.
His vision dimmed. Ah, soon... Narimasa thought. His consciousness receded. Death approached on silent wings.
Sakura drifted in the darkening world.
His last memory was of Sayuri’s smiling face.
Narimasa’s head dropped.
Takaya frantically shouted his name, but those eyes did not open a second time. Narimasa had breathed his last in Takaya’s arms.
Kousaka, standing behind him, looked upon Narimasa’s death without a hint of change in his expression. He said to Takaya, “Narimasa’s soul has left his body. Now finish it with «choubuku» so he doesn’t present us with further problems in the future.”
Takaya made no move. He shook his head and responded dully, “There’s no need.”
“...?”
“Narimasa has returned to Sayuri’s side.”
Kousaka looked at him and seemed about to challenge his oddly self-assured statement, but Takaya was no longer listening.
Behind him, Naoe closed his eyes for a moment as if in silent prayer.
With Narimasa’s body still in his arms, Takaya glared at the dark flow of the river.
If that body in Takaya’s arms were his, Naoe thought as he stood watching over Takaya—
To die by his hand: he could think of no greater happiness. Any anguish, were it to come from him, would be transformed into the highest pleasure. If he could be forgiven...and then to end a life lived far too long...
Would that day ever come?
Perhaps only he, alone out of all of them, could see how happy Narimasa appeared in death...
The murmur of the river was loud in the still night as Shimotsuma Rairen approached Takaya and Naoe.
Takaya snarled, “Rather unfair that Narimasa was the only to die, isn’t it?”
“Please refrain. ’Tis not my intention to fight you here.”
“And who was it who attacked us?!”
“Raishou was acting alone. He was commanded to protect the people in this area. He failed to fulfill his responsibilities.”
“So you’re just gonna lay all the blame on him?!”
“Not so. Raishou disobeyed his orders. I would guess that his intention from the start was to launch an attack against you, but he overestimated his own abilities. I would not have fought you even if you had intervened. I believe you had no choice but to use «choubuku».”
As Takaya straightened, boiling over with rage, Kousaka murmured coldly from behind him, “...Humph. Easy enough to say after the fact.”
Rairen glared at him, his eyes filling for a moment with a killing fury. But he took a deep breath, and his expression settled into its calm mask once again.
“Let us meet again at some future date, at which time I shall entreat a battle with no holds barred on either side.”
With those final words, Rairen turned.
“Wait a minute. Nobody said we’re all just gonna go quietly home and forget about everything.”
Rairen paused and looked over his shoulder. Takaya laid Narimasa’s body on the ground and stood challengingly, his body filling with «power».
“You’re not walking away like this.”
“...You are determined to settle this here?”
Takaya growled softly, staring at Rairen out of the tiger’s wild, fierce eyes: “I’m totally gonna regret it if I just let you leave like this.”
“You would take revenge for Narimasa?”
“No,” Takaya replied, poised for battle, “because I’m not gonna let you get away with using Narimasa and Sayuri’s past in your schemes!”
“...!” Naoe started, caught off guard by Takaya’s statement.
But Rairen was completely calm. He looked at Takaya quietly and replied, “Narimasa was not destroyed because we used his past against him...”
“What?” Takaya stared at him.
Rairen turned back to him and murmured, “He merely followed his own resolution to its conclusion.”
“...”
After a last glance back at the frozen Takaya, Rairen walked off towards the bridge above the embankment. The wraiths of the Ikkou Sect disappeared after him, and quiet settled around them.
Naoe went to Narimasa’s body and gently wiped the blood off his face with a handkerchief. Then he turned to Kousaka, still standing behind them.
“It was your intention to set us on those two from the start, wasn’t it? Isn’t that why you came?”
An efficient way to deal with both the Oda and the Ikkou commanders, completely without dirtying his own hand. In order to further the might of the Takeda...?
Kousaka smiled thinly. Without responding to the question, he suggested, “Why don’t you shovel some of that suspicion on Rairen before piling it on me? Raishou was probably following Rairen’s command from beginning to end.”
“...What?”
“You’d probably be dead if Sayuri’s power had gotten through your defenses.”
Takaya and Naoe spun towards him, their faces stiffening. Kousaka smiled his ambiguous smile and turned on his heels. “Well then. Go ahead and make up a story for the police. This fellow will likely show up as a missing person on the family register. The investigation won’t turn up much in any case, since he went and died a mongrel dog’s death.”
Takaya pinned him with a narrow-eyed glare. The corners of Kousaka’s lips curved up in a smile. "We’ll meet as enemies next time, my dear Uesugi.
With that parting shot, Kousaka descended the embankment and disappeared into the night. Fuming with indignation, Takaya and Naoe scowled after the sly strategist...
Only the two of them now remained at the sandy river embankment.
Listening to the quiet flow of the river, Takaya’s gaze returned to Narimasa’s body.
“Naoe,” he said suddenly, and Naoe answered, “Yes.”
Takaya whispered, still looking at Narimasa, “Don’t...end up like this.”
Stunned, Naoe looked at Takaya as those words cut him to the quick. “Kagetora-sama—...”
“Because from the...from the very first I was afraid you’d end up like this...trying to protect me.” Takaya hanged his head, closing his eyes as if shutting out the unbearable sight of yet another death. “It’s so unfair, someone dying like this. Everything’s over if you die. You can’t redo anything. Even if you think dying would be some sort of atonement...”
“Kagetora-sama.”
“I hate this. I hate having things end this way. Swear to me, Naoe, that you won’t die? That no matter what happens, you’ll stay alive? Swear it...Naoe, promise me!”
“...”
“Don’t let yourself be killed by anyone...”
Naoe only stared at him, eyes wide.
He moved ahead of reason, ahead of all thought. A finger stained with Narimasa’s blood lifted Takaya’s chin. The one being who was, to him, the Absolute, looked back at him, eyes wavering in his bewilderment.
“Naoe—...?”
He gazed straight into Takaya’s eyes, resistance crumbling away within him. And then he leaned forward, their eyes still locked.
But the dregs of his reason stopped him at the last moment.
Taut silence froze them in place.
“...”
Naoe tore himself away.
Takaya stared at him wide-eyed, hardly breathing. Naoe looked back at him out of tormented eyes.
“Then...bind me...” Naoe answered, his voice a moan. “Chain me to you so tightly that I will never be able to free myself. Then...I will never leave you again. And until you kill me, I will never be killed by anyone.”
Takaya held his breath, still frozen in place.
Naoe barely managed to choke back the next words and the next.
Tears welled from his eyes. He looked down, biting his lip, trying to hold them back, tasting blood.
Takaya stared with shock at Naoe as if he had forgotten all language.
Naoe looked up, a wordless disquiet suddenly stabbing into his chest. Takaya opened his mouth, and he quickly reached out and touched Takaya’s chin as if to forestall him.
“...You...”
Naoe didn’t pull back a second time, and his lips stole the word from Takaya’s. Caught completely by surprise, Takaya’s hand moved as if to thrust him away, but Naoe caught it and held it fast.
Regret...
The feeling flooded him, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing else he could have done.
Should I bite off your tongue before it can send me away? Could I be happy then?
My eyes see nothing. I cannot go on living in this agony.
I want to drown in my insatiable desire for you, to love every part of you.
There is...no turning back...