An elegant classical tune played within the sparsely-populated teahouse. Takaya, seated at the window with Naoe beside him, had been glaring with unconcealed hostility at the man across the table from them since they’d encountered him at the river. Kousaka calmly sipped an iced coffee without the least sign of discomfiture.
He abruptly looked up at Takaya. “Why are you so tense?”
Takaya slammed a hand down on the table as his nerves snapped.
“Why the hell d’we have to have tea with this bastard?”
“It’s better than standing around talking under the blazing sun. And besides, we never really had the chance to celebrate our reunion. It must be fate that we met here, since I’ve wanted to talk to you at our leisure.” Kousaka’s eyes glinted queerly. “Kagetora-dono.”
“You bastard...!”
Naoe checked Takaya as he half-rose, shaking his fist at Kousaka. Naoe, equally wary, asked in a cold voice, “Why are you in Toyama?”
“No particular reason. I was passing through when I saw something that tweaked my interest, and thought I’d stop for a bit to watch the show.”
“Tweaked your interest? You’re not talking about Sayuri’s onryou, are you?”
“...Hmm?” Kousaka crossed his legs slowly, leaving no opening in his defenses as he moved. “That extraordinary hatred reached me all the way in Kanazawa. It was a force of will I’ve rarely encountered these past few years, so I thought it’d be worth a visit to see what sort of spirit was its source.”
Both Takaya and Naoe’s eyes widened. Such was Kousaka Danjou’s unrivaled spirit-sensing ability; the keenness of his perception was clearly on a completely different level.
“But I never expected to find you out here. Otherwise I’d have hatched a few battle-plans.”
“Damn you...!” Takaya gritted out, but backed down beneath Kousaka’s clear gaze.
A slight smile appeared on Kousaka’s handsome face. “Do drop the boorish act, Kagetora-dono. I am here today simply as an old friend.”
“...!”
Kousaka’s arrogant assuredness undermined Takaya’s aggressive posturing. For Takaya, Kousaka was the man who had gotten Yuzuru possessed by Shingen, who had caused Kokuryou’s wife’s death—someone he was supposed to hate. If he could, he would attack Kousaka right here and now. But with Naoe holding him back, his only outlet for his hatred and seething anger was his eyes, which gleamed like those of a wild beast.
Kousaka glanced at Takaya and turned to Naoe. “Hmm, looks like the tiger’s gone feral again.”
“Are you here to scout Ecchuu?”
“Not quite scout, but...activity in the area has been a thorn in our side.”
Now that Echigo (Niigata Prefecture) lay within the Takeda sphere of influence, it certainly came as no surprise that they would want to sound out the conditions of the surrounding area.
“Your adversary is the Oda...?”
“Until just recently. But right now there’s someone even more troublesome wandering about.”
“What...?”
Kousaka looked up at them from beneath lowered brows.
“The followers of the Ikkou Sect have been moving: underlings of Hongan-ji Kousa—Kennyo.”
At the name Kennyo, Naoe frowned.
Hongan-ji Kousa, better known as Kennyo, had been the eleventh chief abbot of the Hongan Temple True Pure Lands Sect and the leading religious strategist of the Sengoku. The warlords of the era had always feared an armed revolt by the followers of the Ikkou Sect, which had banded together, organizing itself with Ishiyama Hongan Temple in Settsu (now Osaka Prefecture) as its center, and boasted of a mighty army. When Kennyo became the head priest of Hongan Temple in 1557, he also became the leader of a great following.
Kennyo issued a call to arms against Nobunaga to Ikkou Sect followers all across the country; thereafter, he joined hands with Shogun Ashikaga Yoshiaki and directed the sectarians of the North-Central Region, Ise-Nagashima, and the provinces around Kyoto in violent opposition to Nobunaga. He also formed an alliance with the Takeda, Uesugi, and Mouri clans to check the Oda army’s ambition of conquest of the country.
Though in the end Oda managed to eke a victory from the fierce battle and left Kennyo no choice but submission, the margin of victory suggested that Kennyo could be called Oda’s strongest enemy.
Kenshin also had difficulty with the Ikkou-ikki army of the North-Central region, the largest barrier between the Uesugi army and the capital—which meant that there were deep bindings of fate between the Ikkou Sect and the Uesugi as well...
The wraiths of the Ikkou Sect had joined the «Yami-Sengoku» many years ago, and their organizational strength had, unsurprisingly, been a huge problem for Naoe and the others, resulting in many painful experiences. Even so, the Oda forces in the North-Central region had managed to push them back these past few years, ground the Ikkou Sect was now struggling to regain.
Naoe asked Kousaka gravely, “I have heard that they’ve recaptured the entire Kaga region from Oda... Do you know what is fueling this recent rally?”
“... Have you heard the rumors of Akechi Mitsuhide and his lot in the provinces around Kyoto?”
“Yes. That he’s formed an alliance with Matsunaga Hisahide and the Araki family... You don’t mean...!” Naoe caught his breath.
Kousaka crossed his arms and replied calmly, “Indeed. The Ikkou Sect has formed an anti-Oda coalition with Akechi Mitsuhide. Kennyo intends to use that alliance to annihilate Oda’s forces in the North-Central region. That is probably why they are aiming for Sassa Narimasa, the Oda commander who once ruled this territory and is now tasked with dealing with the Ikkou Sect.”
“Then their aim is to crush Narimasa... Which means Princess Sayuri’s onryou is also...!”
Kousaka nodded with a finger on his chin. “I assume you saw the spirit-warriors. They were «nue» sent by Kennyo, and I believe they’ve roused Sayuri’s spirit to lure Narimasa here. Narimasa’s current territory is Higo (now Kumamoto Prefecture), but the intensification of the opposition in the provinces near the old capital means that Mori Ranmaru has been called there. Whereas Narimasa’s role is to stop the advance of the Ikkou Sect. It appears that Kennyo has gone to great lengths to set up the attack on Narimasa. Sayuri has become a tool in that scheme.” Kousaka paused and looked out at the cars streaming by outside the window. “Sayuri has grown so strong that Narimasa will have no choice but to come back. She’s the bomb that will rip Narimasa apart, and it was a failure on his part to have left something like that behind. I dropped by on my way back to see for myself how well the Ikkou Sect can play this out.”
“...”
For a moment forgetting his hostility against Kousaka, Takaya turned to Naoe. The onshou of the Ikkou Sect were the ones who had roused Sayuri in their battle against Oda.
“But Narimasa is kanshousha,” Takaya commented doubtfully. “Even if they use Sayuri, I don’t think they’ll be able to finish him off that easily—’cause even if his body dies, he’ll just perform kanshou on somebody else, right?”
“Once they kill his body, they can attack his soul before it has a chance to perform kanshou”, Kousaka answered with arms crossed. “This is how the onshou of the «Yami-Sengoku» fight each other. With the «power» generated from their hate, they can wound the soul of their opponent and destroy any power they have remaining in this world. To be deprived of that power is equivalent to ‘death’ for the onshou. That is the way of war in the «Yami-Sengoku». So without his body, Narimasa would become a mere spirit. Of course,” Kousaka added with a chuckle, “that is true for us as well. In any case, I would guess that Kennyo’s spirit-warriors have informed him by now that you are in Toyama. Let me give you some friendly advice: don’t poke your noses carelessly into this. It’d be best to let the onshou kill each other off however they want. Why don’t we all just sit atop our mountain and watch the spectacle unfold?”
“Yeah right,” Takaya snapped. “What if Sayuri’s spirit gets out of hand? What kinda ruckus d’you think that’ll cause?”
“No, Kagetora-sama,” Naoe stopped him, “I believe we should watch the situation for a little while longer. As long as Sayuri’s hatred is directed exclusively at Narimasa, the city residents should not come to any harm. We should avoid interceding in haste and provoking the Ikkou Sect at this stage. Instead, we need to choose our opportunity with care—since they are difficult enough to handle as it is,” Naoe concluded grimly.
Naoe was advocating against recklessness. As long as there was no direct impact on society or harm to ordinary people and no need for immediate intervention, it was in their best interest to probe their opponents’ strength and circumstances with all due caution before making their move. One could say that their duty was similar to police who interceded in disputes between gangs. Once they entered the battle, they had the ability to drastically impact the strength of any side. But depending on their method, they could also potentially exacerbate the «Yami-Sengoku».
I totally knew that, Takaya thought, still looking dissatisfied. Kousaka gazed at him with his usual ambiguous smile.
“...Hah. How like him to be so utterly lacking in ambition. I almost feel like I’m looking at the old Kenshin. If he so chooses, Kagetora-dono could use his power of «choubuku» to rule the entire country...”
Takaya glared sharply at him. Kousaka, lips still curved in a smile, looked completely unaffected.
“But who am I to complain? The current Kagetora-dono appears well-satisfied with his tepid existence. Perhaps he is already sated with the pleasure of being surrounded by fools, now that he’s used to having them chasing after his tail.”
“What...what did you say?!”
“Kousaka.” Naoe interrupted in a tight voice. “...There is something I would like to talk to you about. Could you come with me for a moment?”
Kousaka lifted his eyes and looked at Naoe as if he had expected those words.
“...Fine by me.”
They left Takaya alone inside and walked to the river, stopping beneath a line of sakura trees. Naoe turned to Kousaka, eyes cold. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I would like you to stop provoking Kagetora-sama.”
Kousaka returned indifferently, “Provoke? Me?”
“He is still emotionally unstable. And even were that not the case, the radical changes in himself these past few months have made him uneasy. I will not allow you to upset him further with your careless words.”
“Humph. Here I was thinking you might have something interesting to say, but it turns out to be the same old drivel.”
Naoe glared at him sharply. Kousaka smiled faintly.
“That’s why I call you naïve. Did you think that your warning would actually affect me in any way? Information is our currency—information on our enemies’ vulnerabilities, that is. Why should I care about what is and isn’t convenient for you?”
“—Kousaka, you bastard...!”
“Or do you mean you don’t want me to say anything that might provoke Kagetora into regaining his memories?”
“...!”
When Naoe’s face stiffened exactly as expected, Kousaka snorted lightly with contempt. “Have you made your move on Kagetora yet?”
Naoe jerked back. Kousaka smirked. “From your reaction, I guess not.”
“...”
Naoe’s eyes narrowed, and Kousaka laughed. “Kagetora-dono is certainly a tolerant master, to allow a beast like you to stay by him. You pretend you’re at his side to protect him, but in reality you’re only waiting for a chance to take him into your arms so you can satisfy that secret desire seething inside you, aren’t you. I hardly think Kagetora-dono would respond to his vassal’s lust with favor. Or is he knowingly spurring you on?”
“Shut up, Kousaka!” an enraged Naoe snarled. “You can say what you like about me, but you will not insult Kagetora-sama.”
“Humph, don’t make me laugh.” Kousaka’s malicious gaze moved back to Naoe. “What a twisted man you are. You’re the bastard who disgraces your own lord. How many times have you violated Kagetora in your mind? How many times have you forced him to submit to you?”
“...!”
Naoe, pushed to his limit, swung at Kousaka. Kousaka easily sidestepped the blow and caught Naoe’s fist in his hand.
“...What a fool you are.”
“...”
Quickly brushing aside the fist still forcing itself towards him, Kousaka turned on his heels with a faint smile.
“They’ll start moving if Narimasa returns to Toyama. You should go do some sight-seeing before that happens. We’ll probably see each other again, Naoe.”
“Where are you going?”
“That’s my own business, wouldn’t you say? Well, have fun chasing Kagetora’s tail—” Kousaka looked back at him, eyes clear and piercing, “Master Timid Wolf.”
“...”
Kousaka walked off beneath the luxuriantly green sakura trees, leaving Naoe with fists trembling behind him.
At least pay for your own coffee, Naoe cursed inwardly.
You’re the bastard who disgraces your own lord...
Naoe looked down as if in denial of the truth of those words.
How long could they stay as they were?
These violent emotions pressing so tightly against his chest...which should have been erased long ago.
How long can I face you like this...?
When he returned to the teahouse, Takaya was glaring into the distance, chin in his hand and glass empty. Suppressed anger towards Kousaka? Yet this faraway gaze was so precious to him. Naoe’s steps suddenly halted.
The razor edge in that gaze, like an exquisite sword-blade, fascinated even as it mercilessly wounded whomever it touched.
Such a being should never be dirtied by the likes of him.
“...”
Naoe brows knitted as he pushed back those feelings. Then he quickly redonned his expressionless mask before resuming his steps. He could not allow Takaya to notice the pain beneath that mask. Takaya looked up at him sullenly.
“What happened to that guy?”
“He left. But we’ll probably see him again.”
Takaya, who appeared to truly despise Kousaka, still looked angry. “That guy totally pisses me off, looking down on people like that. You’d better not stop me next time we meet, Naoe! I’m totally gonna punch his face in...!”
Suddenly noticing Naoe’s silence and stillness, Takaya asked uncertainly, “Naoe?”
“...”
Naoe turned away from Takaya, a hand pressed against his mouth. Suddenly, and for no reason at all, his eyes welled. He closed them hard, trying to hold back the tears.
“What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”
“No, I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“Naoe...?”
Even with eyes closed he knew what expression would be on Takaya’s face. If only Takaya wouldn’t look at him with such a straightforward gaze. ...It only made him that much more aware of his own ugliness.
Finally clamping a lid down on his emotions, Naoe looked up weakly.
“...Shall we go, Takaya-san?”
That night they switched from a shared double to two single rooms. Seeing Takaya’s uncertain expression, he explained, “We won’t have to be so conscious of each other this way, yes?”
To which Takaya retorted in annoyance, “So you’re saying that you’re always that conscious of me?”
Naoe replied a little tiredly, “I am conscious of you. You, more than anyone.”
“...”
Naoe attributed the hint of loneliness in Takaya’s expression to his own imagination. He handed Takaya the key. He had discovered on further acquaintance that there was in Ougi Takaya an unexpectedly child-like yearning to be indulged, but Naoe appealed to his reason not to take advantage of that weakness.
(I’m forgetting...) He had a sense of impending crisis. (He is more dangerous than this.)
He had to be careful. This was only one side of him. How many times over had he realized that, whenever he attempted to take advantage of Kagetora’s vulnerability, he had been hurt instead? He had always been the one to feel the bite of Kagetora’s fangs after allowing himself to be led about by the apparent weakness that Kagetora exposed as bait.
And then waited in ambush, claws sheathed.
That is his true nature. I must not allow myself to be deceived.
If he were simply someone to protect—
I would not have been so bewitched by him.
“Naoe. Naoe!”
Takaya’s voice calling his name pulled him back to himself, and he looked up. Takaya had entered the elevator and was waiting for him.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen? You’ve been acting really strangely lately.”
(I have to be careful.) Naoe cautioned himself, and smiled tiredly. “... Not lately. Always.”
Agreeing to meet for dinner at seven in the upper lounge, they retired to their separate rooms. Takaya said nothing, but kept looking at Naoe worriedly. That gaze scorched Naoe’s mind.
(Why did I have to come here and be trifled with by these feelings?)
He collapsed on the bed, an arm across his eyes. He had always known that these tangled emotions, stifled for twenty-eight years by a profound consciousness of sin and regret, would come to life again upon deeper interaction with Takaya.
He had never been able to forget about him for a second. And had suffered because he could not forget. Anguish, torment, pain beyond his ability to withstand... The agony of having lost him had paralyzed all else, and his heart, weakened to the verge of death, had finally been suppressed by reason. He had come this far by discarding all sentiment.
Yes. Even until this very moment—
The beast within him stirred, inhaled.
Drawing life from your presence.
Could that ferocious beast kill once again?
He clawed at the weakness engulfing him, feeling as if he might crumble away.
He had to keep it from taking another breath.
His reason was being worn away, little by little, at that thinnest of boundaries.
The knock on the door resounded in the quiet room. Naoe leapt out of bed, shoving away the vile thoughts driving his mind to distraction and locking them back into his chest. He hurriedly opened the door.
Takaya stood there.
Naoe’s breath caught. For a moment he didn’t know what expression to wear.
“Kagetora-sama...”
“Ah...er, I thought we might head up for dinner...” Takaya said awkwardly, and fell silent. It was only a little past five. Naoe suddenly felt exhausted. For a moment he wondered if Takaya had read the repulsive desire writ plain on his open face.
At Naoe’s surprise, Takaya looked down and muttered, “I...look, have I said something weird to you?”
“Eh...?”
“Did I say anything to depress you?” Takaya had apparently been worried, wondering if some careless thing he said had caused this change in Naoe. “I...” Takaya added, “well, ’cause I know how painful words can be. Obnoxious jerks can still hurt you with words even if they don’t use their fists.”
“...”
“So... I didn’t want to say anything to you that would rub you the wrong way. I was trying to be careful...”
Takaya seemed to be reaching for some sort of apology, but couldn’t quite get it out. The mumbled words came out sounding more defensive than anything else...
“So...um... Argh, geez, I have no idea what the heck I’m saying!”
Naoe gazed silently at Takaya as he grew more flustered and irritated by the minute.
So he had noticed nothing— No, the thought would never even have crossed his mind. But of course. Takaya could never have conceived of Naoe as a possible romantic interest. Naoe was his vassal, his protector, a man. His common sense would have ruled out the possibility completely.
So he could never have realized. That even now, at this very moment, in his own mind ...Naoe was tearing off his clothes, making him a prisoner to abhorrent pleasure...
Sympathy and resentment warred within Naoe. He felt both relief at the success of his masquerade and immeasurable hatred of Takaya for his obliviousness. Those few innocent words had, contrary to Takaya’s best intentions, wounded Naoe all the more deeply. His sympathy had invoked the very opposite effect. And Takaya’s obliviousness to even that fact stoked the flames of his anger. He glared at Takaya, eyes razor-sharp with irony.
“Are you so afraid of hurting someone?”
“Huh...?”
“Such a sentiment is absolutely worthless.”
Takaya choked and scowled at Naoe. A faint, cold smile drifted into Naoe’s eyes.
“Such artful language as you might utilize is an easily-avoidable blade—a triviality. You are the one with is afraid. You and you alone.”
“...”
“But you would never see it, no matter how much you floundered. And there is nothing you could do about it even if you did. There is nothing you can do. To live without hurting anyone is an unattainable ideal. Only hypocrites in their arrogance are capable of such conceit.”
Takaya continued to glare at him angrily. This person standing before him, as incapable of concealing his feelings as he was and reacting exactly as Naoe knew he would...was so precious to him.
Naoe narrowed his eyes slightly. “You would never be able to see that is it you yourself who is hurting me.”
“...”
“So long as you are not me...”
“... You...”
Anger turned into shock. Why was Naoe saying this? Takaya could not understand it at all. Why did Naoe, who always protected him, encouraged him, at times direct words so filled with hostility towards him?
Did it mean that Naoe actually hated him?
The doubts surfacing bit by bit in the back of his mind now emerged in perfect clarity. Yes: this was the origin of Takaya’s uncertainty towards Naoe— This piercing coldness that appeared and disappeared again within his gentleness and kindness.
Each glimpse of it wounded him more deeply, more sharply, than anyone. So he had, all unconsciously, built walls around himself, between himself and Naoe, out of fear of its touch. And there was something else he didn’t understand: Naoe’s expression immediately after, the pain on his face as if the ice-blade of those words had cut into him at the same time. Each and every time.
Why did he say them?
What could he do to stop Naoe from doing it?
What was it Naoe truly wanted from him?
Naoe would not tell him—refused, each and every time, to tell him. That was why he felt such unease. Was it because of what had happened between him and Kagetora that he never talked about himself? Or was the resignation on his face disappointment that Takaya could not truly become “Kagetora”? Was he annoyed at Takaya for failing to become that image in his mind? How could Takaya think anything but that the pain on his face, the pain that he insisted on bearing alone, was an accusation?
Takaya slowly shook his head.
“I don’t understand... I can’t understand you at all...”
“...Takaya-san...?”
Takaya could no longer keep his voice down. “So what should I do?! Should I get my memories back? Should I go back to being Kagetora? Do you hate me for being Ougi Takaya that much? What is it you want from me? What would it take for me to satisfy you?!”
Naoe’s eyes widened.
“What the hell is with you?! What the hell are you?! You always have that expression on your face like you want me to do something, but you never tell me what it is...! If there’s something you want to say, then just fucking spit it out! You’re standing in front of me right now looking like you want to slit your own wrists... I don’t want you looking at me like that anymore!”
An intense pain tore through Naoe’s chest, and he pushed back against it with all his might. He stared at Takaya as if to brace himself, but Takaya’s brows drew together as if he could not bear even that gaze.
“Just tell me what you want me to do. What am I doing to make you look like that? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. If you don’t tell me anything, how am I supposed to know anything?!”
“...Takaya-san.”
“I’ll do anything. I’ll do whatever you tell me. Isn’t that enough? Kagetora or Ougi Takaya, I’ll be whoever you want me to be...! So stop looking at me like that. Just tell me. I don’t fucking understand you—!” Takaya pleaded, his breathing ragged, so agitated that tears blurred his eyes.
(No!)
Naoe forced back the impulses threatening to overwhelm him.
He was certain that Takaya asked not for him, but for Takaya himself. Oscillating between Kagetora and Ougi Takaya and unable to settle on either, he sought an answer in his confusion—but...!
Such a question...
Such a question should not be asked of him.
Naoe desperately fought against his own insistent impulses. How could Takaya say that to him when he knew nothing about him? How could he...
Don’t look at me with those eyes—don’t provoke the beast beneath the mask!
“Please, leave.”
Takaya’s eyes widened.
“Please leave. I am asking you to get out of my sight. Please.”
“Naoe...”
“I don’t know anymore what I might do next, what crime I— Hurry. I can’t hold on much longer.”
Takaya’s eyes wavered in his bewilderment. “...Why...?”
“Why?”
A beast with its piercing stare looked out of Naoe’s eyes.
“What would you do with the answer? ‘Why’...? What would you do with any answer I give, when it’s far too late...! Why...?!”
He hated Takaya for asking that question with such innocence. As if he bore no part of the blame...
“It’s all because of you...”
“...”
“Because...you are here. Because you are here. Otherwise—otherwise I would never have lived for so long. I would never have felt this agony! If you had never existed...if only if you had never been born into this world...!”
Takaya stopped breathing. The answer he had dreaded was now falling with stunning bluntness from Naoe’s lips. Takaya stood frozen, eyes wide.
“Because of me?”
“...”
“Would you...be happier...if I...didn’t exist...?”
“...!”
Takaya bit his lip, his trembling fists bloodless. His shoulders quivered with the need to hold back his emotions.
“... All right.”
Naoe’s arms encircled Takaya’s shoulders just as he turned. In that suspended moment in time his body had reacted before any words could find their way out of his mouth.
Desperately, wordlessly, he embraced Takaya from behind.
“Naoe...!”
“...”
He shut his eyes tightly, trying to master the pain, his body trembling in sympathy with Takaya’s.
“Say nothing—...”
Suddenly assailed by an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, Takaya stopped resisting and stood frozen in place.
You understand nothing.
And it is far better that you don’t.
If he allowed his hand to trail down Takaya’s body...he could unfasten those buttons at his chest, one by one...
Time, etched and inerasable, violently spurred on those savage feelings.
He had to kill it.
Hurry, now...
The mad beast was opening its eyes.
Before it bared its fangs...
Comments
Gracias por brindarnos la
Gracias por brindarnos la oportunidad, a los fans de MoB de leer esta magnifica obra traducida al ingles, no sabes lo agradecido que estoy y lo mucho que estoy disfrutando leyendo cada capitulo.
KageTsuna
You're very welcome!
You're very welcome!